- How to be the Dominant
- Role Playing BDSM for beginners
- Beginners Guide to Anal sex done right
- Guide to hoods & sensory deprivation
- Getting partners into the kinky game
- Beginners First Bondage Scene
- What BDSM Isn't
- The Dos & Don'ts in BDSM
- Laying the groundwork
- The Joy of Anal Sex
- How to get the juices flowing
- You are what you are
- Spank My Booty
- Staying Alive
- A First Public Scene
- Why We Like What We Like
- Nothing Says I Love You Like...
- Caring For Your Toys
- A Guide To Fisting For Fun
- Humiliation, Tying Up, and Exposed Genitals
- The Art of Wax Play
- New Items
- Bondage Gear
- ElectroSex Gear
- Dildos & Insertables
- Vibrating Sex Toys
- Cock and Ball Toys
- Fucking Machines
- Chastity Devices
- Strap Ons
- Nipple Toys
- Mouth Gags
- Remote Sex Toys
- Enema Devices
- Bondage Furniture
- Bedroom Bondage
- Hoods and Muzzles
- Fetish Clothing
- Penis Pumps
- Floggers & Whips
- Breast/Nipple Pumps
- Medical Toys
- Miscellaneous
- Fetish Books
- Lubes & Creams
So now you've read up on the subject, you know what you are interested in and what you would like to try. You've talked extensively with your partner and know what he or she would like to try. But where to start? What can you do to establish that you are the dominant, and your partner is the submissive?
It is not always there by default. Not everyone is in the mood all the time. And yes, it can be embarrassing to approach your partner about playing - just to get shot down. Just imagine how embarrassing it would be (and in the opinion of some downright inappropriate) for the submissive to ask to be spanked or tied up! A couple I know used a flagpole system when they started out. On the kitchen table they had a miniature flagpole. When one of them were "in the mood" they would raise the flag. The partner would see it and engage, or lower the flag again.
Simple things like this are always handy when you're just starting out and not quite sure and shy. There are steps you can (and in some cases should) do to prepare yourself. Being the dominant is very much acting the part. Not to show weakness and being good at what you do. Of course your partner does not expect you to be a professional right from the start, but it will help them to find their place in the submissive role when you act your part.
Being a dominant come naturally to some, but it is still called "role playing" for a reason.
So to get back on topic, spanking and paddling for example is not something that isn't tough to do, but needs to be done on the right areas. Using a whip of any kind is something you should have practiced with before you do it on your partner. I suggest using a pillow to practice your technique on, to learn the proper aim and strength. (It is suggested to do this every time you buy a new implement as all tools have a different balance.) Please remember, the objective is to have fun and to give pleasure, not to cause injury.
Bondage is something that can be from very easy to very hard. Some start out typing their partner to the bedpost using scarves. Others favor the ropes, and intricate bondage. In any case, always have a pair of scissors close at hand, and check regularly that there is enough blood flow in the tied limbs. Your partner should alert you right away if it is too hard, or if it prickles or feels cold.
It can feel very exciting for your partner to be blindfolded. Again this is something that can be done with a professional leather blindfold or something as simple as a scarf. This is also something that elevates you, and adds an element of mystique.
Another idea is to start with a few rules. Not a front to back notebook, but something small i.e. when in "play mode" the dominant is called Master/Mistress, and the submissive should not look at the dominant unless asked to do so. This will also put you in an elevated position, and the submissive will immediately have something to do that pleases you. A submissive that knows what is expected of them is a happier submissive.
While it might sound like a real kick to have someone submit to you wholly it is generally not a good idea in the beginning. Not only is it a huge responsibility, but also a much bigger risk to mess up. Submissives also have expectations and hopes, and if you make a too big blunder you can in a worst case scenario sever the bond of trust. If the submissive gets scared of you, or of your ability to keep a cool head and on top of things they are likely to turn away from you.
And remember - never loose your ability to laugh at the various situations you may encounter. This is but the few first steps of a long journey you'll be making together with your partner.
